Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Breaking News: Atheists invade Western Washington

(Mom, don't read this one)
Dateline: Safeway, Chehalis, WA 04-02-08 11:45am
Cashier: Hello. Did you find everything you need today

Atheist Customer: Yes. Thank you.

Cashier (to Bagger, Atheist Customer and Next Customer In Line): So this atheist and this Christian were talking. The atheist said to the Christian, "There is no afterlife. When I die and am buried I am going to grow into a tree above my grave." To which the Christian replies, "I hope they take that tree, cut it down, turn it into pulp, make it into paper and print a bible on it."

Cashier looks to his audience for laughs and communal appreciation. Cashier gets "amen's" from the Bagger and Next Customer In Line and a blank look from Atheist Customer. Cashier points to box of organic cat litter in the Atheist Customer's cart.)

Cashier: The leaf logo on that box reminded me of the joke.

Atheist Customer: That or you must have sensed that I am an atheist.

Cashier: I apologize. (uncomfortable looks all around plus laughter as Atheist Customer rolls eyes and exits store after transaction is complete.)

End scene.

(In the above dialog the Atheist Customer was played by your friendly Eggtown Blogger.)

Here's the thing ladies and gentlemen: the joke itself is 100% inoffensive. What IS offensive and drives me batty is the smug ignorance of it's concoction and delivery. I wasn't quick or clever enough to give a snappy reply at the time so you, dear readers, be you Christian, atheist, Scientologist or Other, are subject to my belated thoughts.

Point one: Someone who thinks they will turn into a tree is not an atheist, they are more akin to a reincarnationist.

Point two: The punchline of the joke flat out doesn't work. An atheist upon whose grave, or scattered ashes, a tree grew wouldn't know or care what happened to said tree. Turn a tree over me into toilet paper for all I care.

If there is going to be verbal bashing of atheists, I would appreciate it very much if it is done in style. Wish me a Merry Christmas, knock on my door to sell religion, assault my eyes with billboards and crazy cars (more of an L.A. thing but I have seen a few here), but don't, in the name of all that is holy (ba dum bum chhhh), continue with these lame jokes. Ridicule away but make it funny, or else I might have to start recruiting your children to my wicked ways.

Photo courtesy of g33kgrrl. (whom I don't know and is in no way affiliated with the preceding semi-tirade)

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