The Kittens

Norah and Audrey got another rabbit. Only this time we didn't save it. We heard the ruckus outside but all the flashlights were dead and we couldn't(wouldn't?) find the murderers in the forest in the dark. The next day Matt found an explosion of bloody rabbit fur outside and then he found the front half of the rabbit just inside the cat door and kindly disposed of it before I stumbled upon it. He is a good husband.

Little Bunny Foo Foo

Drew and I went to Longview this evening to buy some stuff from Lowe's. When we got back we were talking with Matt in "the Room" (as I have taken to calling our little living space. It must be spoken out loud in dark and ominous tones), when we heard a loud squealing coming from the bay (the unheated garage portion of the pole building currently a maze of boxes and stuff waiting to move into the house). Drew and I are all, "what the . . ?" and Matt is all, "I know! I just heard that 10 minutes ago. There is murder going on in the bay. Norah and Audrey have something out there but I can't find what they have." The three of us went out to investigate but came up empty. Drew went home and I was futzing around on the computer when Matt came in from the bay with a stricken look. "It is a RABBIT!!!" he said. I was all, "OMG, OMG, OMG! Where is it? Is it still alive? What do we do?!!" Matt put on a pair of gloves and I got a towel and he eventually cornered it in our recently emptied kitchen sink box. We wrapped it in the towel, took a couple of pics, briefly succumed to its utter cuteness, almost kicked all the cats to the curb and kept the bunny, came to our senses and took it outside into the forest. Hopefully it had a chance to find a hiding place before Norah and Audrey discovered it was gone from the building. When we came back in they were stalking around the bay like a couple of lionesses on the veldt.

Now it was a small rabbit to be sure but we must give mad props to Norah for this catch. Remember Norah is our tiny dancer, she isn't much bigger than a kitten. It won't be long now before she drags in a freaking raccoon.

Cat Update

In the "Old News" department, Una is older than dirt and is continuing to age. Check out her gnarly thumbnail! WTF?

Russell and Audrey continue their love affair. . .

. . . Despite the fact that Russell desperately needs his teeth cleaned. I hope to take care of that this summer.

And then there is Norah. Oh Norah. She is a tiny thing. At the moment she weighs in at 6.7 lbs. and we don't expect her to get much bigger. She is a mighty huntress. Yesterday was a really rainy day and we noticed mouse and shrew carcasses floating everywhere! She is fearless and that worries me greatly. Speaking of fearless, also yesterday, the deer were in the yard and Audrey and Norah decided the deer would make good playthings. They started darting out of the grass at the deer. I wish I had video. You have never seen more confused deer in your life.

Lily refused to be photographed for this feature.

Quinten remains on his walkabout but, perhaps through astral projection, remains with us in spirit and markings through Norah.

The Existentialist

Too much Sartre and Nietzsche perhaps?

Entering the Land of TMI

I believe I have mentioned in posts past that Audrey has the major hots for Russell. She seeks him out wherever he is and snuggles and licks him until he loses his cool and howls at her. As much as she likes Russell, I submit it is Quinten's legacy that she is carrying on. Audrey is a hunter extraordinaire. She has spent much more time outside over this cold and messy winter than the other cats combined. Now that the snow is gone we can count on at least one mouse a day from her. Here is the TMI part: This morning I was checking my email when I heard frantic squeaking coming from my slipper sitting on the floor by my computer. I looked down to find a panicked mouse on its back. Audrey spent the next 10 minutes or so batting and tossing it until the squeaking stopped at which point she ate everything but the heart and lungs. Quinten didn't eat that part either. I wonder why? Also TMI? The fact that we let her do this in the living space. You may call me nuts but I am kind of proud about what a good hunter she is. I like to encourage cat-like behavior in my spoiled brood.

Just Because

Norah would like to know how your fingers taste.

Audrey would like to kill you in your sleep.

Audrey & Norah Like to Wrestle (All Day. All Night)

The cats themselves are quiet, just a few meeps here and there as they try to tear each other's ears off or de-fur one another's tails. What is not quiet is the bang-clanking they do as they rip around the house trying to pop their spay stitches. They slam into the basket of cans for recycling. They climb through stacks of magazines sending them splatting down on the floor. They do their level best to tear down the shower curtain. They flip over and inspect every shoe and boot in the hopes of finding a left over mouse or shrew to lord over a rodentless opponent. And on and on and on. They are currently each "sleeping" with one eye open.

For Jenny, Compliments of Drew

Jenny had a crappy and troublesome commenter on her blog so in an effort to send some friendly traffic her way and bring some silly into the equation, here is a video that Drew found and sent to me. It should be pretty obvious right away why he thought of me when he saw it. The election is just days away people. Here's hoping we all make it to the finish line with our hearts, souls and limbs intact. Love ya Jenny.

Dispatch from and Un-Real American Living in a Real American County Located in an Un-Real American State

5 cats on the bed and a garage full of mice. Le Sigh. Number 6, Quinten, is still missing. Sometimes I think he is gone for good and sometimes I still believe that he is reenacting Rambo: First Blood. Last night I dreamed he came home but his legs had turned into rabbit legs and he had the snout of a dachshund.

If you are not sure what the title of the post refers to, click here. You probably only want to click if you are an Un-Real American. I don't think Real Americans will find it funny.

Cat Town Drama Continues

Una had a little oral surgery yesterday. She had 6 teeth extracted! We let it go too long. I wish we had taken her in sooner but there was so much other feline activity that we let it slide. Bad humans!

Matt set Audrey up on the bed with me last night while we were watching a movie. She stayed longer than we thought she would. She still runs whenever we head her direction or call her name.

We later paid for having Audrey on the bed. Russell smelled her and peed on us in the night. Le sigh.

Norah still doesn't know her name but she does still know how to clear a room with her farts. We have tried keeping her on a kitten food diet but she always manages to find a way to gorge herself on the big cat food. I guess we will just have to wait the stinky period out.

Quinten is still gone. Matt and I both dream about him almost every night. Neither of us think he is dead. We both think he has gone Rambo and will show up someday with a sash of bullets and battle scars on his face.

That is all.

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time there was a little kitten named Norah (Stinkbomb) Conrow. Norah lived with 2 humans, 1 kitten and 4 big cats. One day Quinten, one of the big cats, went missing. Norah noticed that the humans were worried but not freaked out. Quinten was a good hunter and outdoorscat who enjoyed making nests in the grass and burrowing in felled trees. He hated the new kittens and even hissed for the first time when he met Norah's sister Audrey so the humans thought he was just getting some space. Still, the humans called for him every morning and every night.

One day the female human asked Russell, another big cat, to help her look for Quinten in the woods. Norah thought that sounded like fun and bounded along behind. Russell followed the cat trail into the forest a few feet and sat down. Norah joined him. Russell got up and moved a few feet further in. Norah followed. The human waited and called for Quinten but he didn't show. The human then left and went to the house.

A short while later the human returned to the forest to see if Russell and Norah and drawn out Quinten. Russell was nowhere to be seen but Norah poked her head out of the trees. Seeing the human she dashed out howling. The human picked up Norah and continued to call for Russell while walking toward the living space.

Upon reaching the living space Russell could be seen sitting in the window intensely displeased that his plan had failed and that the human was bringing the "lost" kitten home again.

A few hours later Norah crawled on top of Russell in his basket to let him know that "these things" happen and it was probably her fault that she got lost in the woods and how she was sure that he had only returned to the house without her to get help.

Yes, Quinten is missing. He has been gone for a week now. We are much more optimistic that he will return than we were when Una went on her walkabout. He is a very capable outdoor cat. He is really good at catching critters and he actually eats them, unlike Russell. He has spent many a night out in his various hidey holes and is a big cat. He could certainly take a raccoon. We hope he hasn't met up with a coyote. He really was freaked out by the kittens. Whereas Russell began obsessively marking everything in site when they showed up, that is not Quinten's style. He is a loner so it doesn't surprise us that he has opted out of the whole situation. We hope that he is just working things out on his own and will show up eventually.

Can You Stand One More Cat Post?

I mentioned that we saw another kitten in the yard. It hung around for a full day. I am sure that it came from the neighbors to the back of us. I went there searching for Una. There are tons of cats and I would be surprised if they are spaying or neutering any of them. They all looked to be in ill health with goobery eyes and sniffles. Matt and I briefly considered tossing the new kitten back over the property line. But, as I am sure you are already aware, we are cat lovers and could not put an animal back in that situation. We talked about taking it to the pound or rescue. But, chances for adoption before euthanasia at the pound are slim and the rescue groups are all struggling to make ends meets as it is.

We came up with a plan. Our property would be like India with a caste system. The lower caste eunuchs would live outdoors and be spayed/neutered and left to their own devices otherwise. The high caste royalty would continue to live indoors as pampered princesses and princes.

So that lasted all of 5 hours. Seems our new arrival did not get the memo. It found its way in through the pet door tout de suite and promptly lost itself in the bay. For those of you not here at the beginning of Eggtown, this is the bay:It is the dumping ground for all our belongings until we get the house built. We could hear the kitten mewing in there somewhere but couldn't find it. Eventually we tracked it down and put it back outside. Didn't work. She won't let us get near her but she is happy to live in our shadows.

Notice the pronoun shift from it to she? It gets worse. She now has a name. It happened quite by accident. Once I got a close look at her I said "ooo. she has a funny face" and that made me think of Audrey Hepburn and so her name is Audrey. With deepest apologies to our friend Audrey O'D in NYC and sweet little Audrey in Texas. The name just stuck right away. She is very cute, no?

Like Norah, Audrey has the hots for Russell. They are both obsessed with him and want to be wherever he is. What's that they say about payback? Russell is getting his comeuppance for the way he behaved around Una and Lily when we first adopted him. Anyhoo, things are balancing out. We see Audrey here and there from afar and the other cats seem to be adjusting. She is not nearly as bold as Norah and I am sure that is helping.

I know our cat population is ridiculous to many. It could be worse. If you have 20 minutes or so and are in the mood for something completely bonkers, a little bit gross and a lot disturbing, take a gander at this article in the Los Angeles Weekly about two old spinsters and their rats. Really. It will make me and Matt seem completely rational by comparison.

And finally, a little video of Russell and his catch. I must set this up a bit. I pressed record just as Norah jumped in to play scaring the beans out of Russell who was so intent on his mouse that he didn't see her coming. Una watches with disdain.

I am Still Here

I want to go on record saying that I am painfully aware how off my nut, barking mad, crazy as a loon, mad as a hatter, etc. I went during the Great Una Disappearance of 2008 earlier this week. When I am feeling normal and well balanced I KNOW that pet psychics are malarkey but panic and desperation do messed up things to a mind. So that is what I have to say on the subject.

In other news, I have been delivering mail in another office to help out while they are shorthanded so I haven't had the time or brain power to post any of the non-Una events of the week. Here are a few subjects that I will flesh out in full upcoming posts:

• Norah is noisy when we try to sleep.
• Norah is stinky.
• Norah farts A LOT. Sometimes poo comes out with the fart.
• Norah worships Russell and has decided to follow his example of peeing on the bed.
• Saw a stray kitten in the yard this morning. Had a mixed reaction as I watched it run away: Aw, how cute plus PANIC. Where are they all coming from?
• The work on the house went forward while I was losing my mind.
  
• We went to the Southwestern WA Fair. Pics to come but you can look at last year's pics now if you want.
• What is the "Authentic Australian Experience"? (with the subcategory: Kangaroo or Wallaby: You decide).
• Why did some people in Castle Rock think Thursday was a federal holiday?
• It is REALLY hot.

I will explain all and provide photo documentation for some later this week.

Una - the Prologue

Here is my assessment of what may have happened (despite the "insights" from the pet psychics).

Una got pissed about Norah's existence. On top of that we took her to the vet where she got shots and has since had daily administrations of cold drops put in her ears followed by vigorous rubbing. She was mad. mad. mad. What is a cat to do? Russell peed. Una went one better and broke our hearts. We don't know where she went but she is not hurt and not too dirty or filled with burrs so it can't have been too far. Probably within earshot. I can imagine her sitting in her hidey hole listening to us yell her name until our voices broke with tears. In her warped (and well loved) little mind she probably decided to let us twist in the wind a little longer until we were really wrecked with pain and guilt at not being able to find and rescue her. She decided to sneak back while we slept as if nothing happened assuming that we had learned our lesson. But! Norah is still here and Russell and Lily had taken over the prime sleeping spots on the bed so the punishment is not over. She is directing her residual anger at me. She is lovey with Matt and will rub her face in his beard and submit to a few pets. But not me! I am her person and I am still in the "doghouse"! She won't look at me and she won't sit near me or suffer to be held and loved by me. That is OK. I can wait. She will come around. In a few years. Hopefully.

Una in the Wee Hours

Una jumped up on the bed at 4:40 this morning. She did not bother to tell us where she had been or what happened. We gave her some food and she had some water. She is grumbly and pissy. There seems to be something wrong with her right front paw but I haven't gotten a good look at it yet. No other obvious signs of injury. I am afraid to go back to sleep for fear that she will disappear again when my eyes are closed. Thank you for your prayers and encouraging messages.

It is Dark

It's hard to find a black cat at night. Matt went under the house again. He didn't find Una but he did find a nest of yellow jackets. This day is just getting worse and worse. I hope if she is alive she can find her way home because we can't find her.

Unawatch

It has now been 24 hours since I last saw Una. I am out of tricks. I have called until the silence of no reply cripples me. I have snooped around my neighbors outbuildings with and without permission. I have consulted not one but two pet psychics. Matt has crawled under the house with the spiders and bugs. We have searched the tree tops. I have papered the few nearby houses with Lost Cat fliers. Nothing. If she is still alive, how long can she stay alive without food and water? What if she is hurt somewhere, slowly slipping away while I am ineffectively searching? This sucks worse than anything. Ever. You may take that to mean that I have led a relatively crisis free life or you may take that to mean that Una means everything to me. I was prepared to lose her to old age. I hoped to be there with her at the end for one last nuzzle. I never expected Una to be the one to disappear into the wild without a trace.

Pet Psychic #2

Here is what the second pet psychic said:

• Una has been in a fight, maybe with a racoon
• Nearby to her current location is a barrel filled with liquid
• A man nearby looks to be carrying a gun
• There is an outdoor spray nozzle nearby
• She is either just inside or next to a dark colored outbuilding
• She is across a fence from our property
• She does not think she is on the side of the property with the horses

Huh. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that we live in the country. I pretty much gave it all away. I have just come back from prowling around the neighbors out buildings. Nothing yet. Even though I know all the pet psychic business is probably bunk it is helping me keep it together. It keeps me busy so I don't crumble.

As a side note, I think I might have found where Norah came from. One of the neighbors has hired hands living in trailers on the property. The hired hands have tons of cats. There was a kitten the same size as Norah. I asked if they had other kittens. She said yes but didn't know where they were. The poor kitten I saw had weepy eyes and a cough. Norah is doing great, gaining weight and looking healthy.

It is 1pm

Una is still missing. After a sleepless night and a fruitless search today I collapsed into a pile of tears. Tom and Walker came over to work on the house. Tom took Walker all over the property and the storage area hoping that Walker would catch Una's scent. Nothing. I feel desperate. I am ashamed to admit that I have resorted to seeking the help of animal communicators. I don't really believe in pet psychics. The first reading I had today felt totally bogus. But before I spoke to the communicator I was feeling worse than hopeless and after I spoke with her I had renewed hope that Una might be found and be found alive so it was good for something. I am now waiting to hear back from a psychic who specializes in lost pets. I am grasping at straws and spending money I don't have searching for answers in places I have no confidence. Please come home Una.

A Tiny Bit of Funny in the Clouds of Una's Disappearance

Russell makes it onto Stuff on My Cat.